​To Parents Dealing With Trans.

To Parents Dealing with Transgender Kids

July 18,2018


Let me start off saying that I’m in no way a professional of any type my thoughts and feeling are all mine personally.  I’m using the word kid as it doesn’t matter if there six or sixty.  It doesn’t matter the age of a person accepting their true gender identity.  I can understand the fear and anxiety a parent feels when they learn that their kid feels like there Transgender.  Most of us have spent many hours of thought about our feelings.  It’s very hard to live up to expectations of people you love when in your head and heart you feel like something isn’t right.  A great majority of us have spent many days and nights trying to understand our gender issue.  We must then figure out if we will lose family and friends if we choose to live as our authentic selves.  We spend days trying to figure out how and when to tell someone you don’t feel right with your body.  Although a lot of new research is under way trying to determine exactly why gender identities happen no one can claim the perfect answer.  Many new studies show differences in various parts of the brain.  I’m in no way a doctor or scientist to discredit what they say.  I’m also very comfortable with myself and understand that I a woman.  This is how I feel in my brain and my heart.  Gender identity isn’t about sex.  Unfortunately, we are born with certain body parts that don’t always agree with our brain (gender).  A good majority of us have spent several years trying to rationalize why our gender doesn’t match our sex we were assigned at birth.  I would say a good number of us started these feelings early on in life.  I met someone who claimed they remember the feelings from like 2 years old.  I would guess most would be between 5 and 8 years of age although some are much later.  Each one of us can claim things where we felt different than our assigned sex.  Some of us liked toys of the opposite sex possibly clothing or just maybe strong feelings about being a girl.  It’s impossible really to say any one thing is responsible for making a person realize that their gender doesn’t match their sex.  I for example really had a desire to play with the girl toys and wear girl clothes.  I really spent countless nights hoping to wake up a girl.  I can’t begin to explain why no matter how hard I try.  You would think that as time passes by you would just be able to acknowledge your birth sex but in my mind, things just didn’t feel right.   Although in many ways I refrained from playing with certain toys, so I wouldn’t get harassed by my brother or sisters.  I also wouldn’t wear any pink afraid someone would discover my transness.  While I can say most of us have spent hours doing things from dressing to playing with what would typically be things of the opposite sex by society.  This could raise a question why?   Well it would be a million-dollar question because the answer is only in are heart and mind.  If you’re not trans you won’t really understand the feeling.  I can’t remember meeting a trans person that is blaming a person for their transness.  Reality is there is a very strong feeling inside that creates the gender difference.  The next question is how do you respond?  Well hopefully regardless of the shock from being told of a loved one’s transgender announcement you’ll inform your love one that you love them.  Depending on the age will ultimately determine a good path to start on.  An example is a child may not really understand gender but may feel different inside.  An adult is probably able to understand gender and make a personal assessment.  Knowledge and understanding transgender is extremely important.  It’s important to understand that a person may feel different and their actions may not match perfectly your vision of the gender their identifying with.  I Know full well that my actions and clothing choice isn’t perfect.  One must learn certain things that are different from living as the opposite gender.  Again, there is no perfect answer for either gender just our own personal thoughts.  While each person’s path is a personal choice of dealing with the feeling inside.  Usually after acknowledging oneself a therapist is a good choice to gain knowledge and confirm one’s feelings.   A therapist can ask questions and look for answers to help confirm if you are truly suffering a gender issue.  Acknowledging a gender issue doesn’t need to mean the end of the world.  Usually after acknowledging your identity one must make a choice on how to handle things.  Every parent should understand that levels of gender issues very and some have very strong and some weaker feelings.  Even with weaker feeling doesn’t mean that a person is any less trans.  Please pay attention to what I’m about to say about your loved one.  Suicide is a very real thing among transgender people because of lack of acceptance and bullying.  Fears of dealing with our world can be overwhelming, but as a parent you can make a difference in that with love and support its much easier.   As a parent take the time to research information but let me warn you not all information is helpful.  Just like in the rest of life there are dirty websites with inaccurate information.  Take time research look around for support groups and events that can educate.  I fully understand as a parent the desires for your kid to be perfect in your vision.  Let me tell you being transgender isn’t anything to do with being a pervert.  The feelings of being the opposite gender are very real.  Taking in all the information you can will lead to hopefully a better understanding.  Having the information and knowledge helps but it doesn’t relieve the fears involved.  When you realize that society is still lacking knowledge about transgender people and can be cruel.  What will the family or neighbors think when my former son comes out in a dress playing with Barbie's.  Unfortunately, because much of society is still uneducated on what transgender means the fears can be felt by people who never met a trans person.  Family and friends need as much help getting educated to help ease everyone’s fears.  Each family presents many different issues regarding dealing with the trans issue.  Issues can be several or few and at some level each issue must be worked through to help build a stronger family.  Religion, uninformed relatives, safety, or a variety of other issues may need to be addressed.  Communication is very important to help each other understand.  Many awesome transgender people before me have achieved many levels of success.  While it can be a challenge to take each issue and sort through the good and bad the issues must be addressed.   Peace among the family is often hard to achieve if the communications can’t continue allowing for each person to express their feelings.   Understand a transgender person feeling are very real they can’t be wished away.  Like I said before a therapist is great at helping work through issues, and or some groups can provide great insight.  I can say on a personal level informing your parents is possibly the hardest part of the journey.  Yes, there will be other issues, but nothing can compare with having the love and respect of your parents along this journey.  The trans journey can and will present several challenges.  If a parent has put forth the effort to understand, telling family and friends of your kid trying to live as their authentic self can be easier.  What can you expect from a transgender kid?  Depends there isn’t what we would call a perfect road map.  The factors regarding each phase of a transition depend on support and each person’s personal needs.  I can say that most of us would love and expect to be called by our preferred pronouns and name.  I can understand that from a parent’s perspective how this change messes up the story of their kid’s life.  Instead of the perfect son who has become a daughter with the now what outlook.  Should it really be that hard to announce that your now daughter is living possibly the happiest life she’s ever had.  Quite possibly you could say your kid is living life just as before or quite possibly it can lead to even bigger growth in life.  Why would the growth be even bigger?  Well breaking down the closet door so to speak can allow a person to grow.  Hiding in fear which most of us do from a young age up to the point of living as our authentic selves.  How each of us grow can depend tremendously on the support from our families.  To love and adjust to different pronouns, name, and gender is a big challenge, but to lose someone you love is an even bigger challenge.  Just because your kid is wearing clothing opposite your kid’s birth sex or possibly having different actions from your kid’s birth sex won’t mean the end of the world.   While I realize there is no way to perfectly cover religion cause of the millions of versions of religion the question can become do you want your kid in your life.  If I can suggest please seek education before trying to confront your kid allow the opportunity for communication to happen.  Understand being transgender most of the time won’t diminish or go away.  A person may suppress or run away from the family or possibly worse.  Because I have an extreme love for parents that support their kids that may be gay, or Transgender let me say Thank You for supporting.  It really does mean more than one can know. 


Please if you have questions ask for information.  I’ll try to answer.  Again, I’m not an expert just someone living the life dealing with the issues surrounding transgender.  I try to learn and grow each day with my life.