MY STORY(Short Version)
The Longer version should be ready soon still adding too and editing. It will include this plus some more.
Imagine growing up pre-internet with thoughts, fears and feelings you can't understand. Hello, my name is Kimberly Tiffany Egleston and I was born in January 1969. I was declared as a male at birth by the doctors because of my body parts. Shortly after my birth my biological father stepped out of my life. My mom remarried around the time I was three, and my new dad adopted me. My mother adopted his daughter and son who were both older than me. During their marriage they had my little sister she was nine years younger than me. My parents were strict with rules as I grew up in bed at eight thirty, ask to leave the table, ask to go out to play, clean everything off you plate and many more. I was raised up in the Catholic Church and attended church every Sunday. I was truly blessed with grandparents and parents that were very loving and educational. Growing up I enjoyed playing with cars, bikes, Barbie's, baby’s, and many other things. Throughout my childhood I couldn't understand why I wanted to play with the girl items and felt like a girl on the inside. I hid my true feelings for the things I wanted to play with because I would’ve been teased by my sister and brother. I’ve always had an extreme fear of displeasing my mom, and I never liked getting in trouble because it hurt me emotionally. As a kid I hid my feelings of being a girl out of a fear that I’d get in trouble or be made fun of because no one would understand who I am. Probably around age six or seven we had sitter watching us while the parents went out. I remember her having a very soft and fluffy scarf and gloves. I enjoyed playing with these while she was watching us. This was my first memory of wanting to dress as a girl. I don’t remember my age the first time I wore a dress or skirt. I used to admire my mom, sisters, girls or ladies’ shoes, dresses and skirts. I loved looking at ads for dresses that I would like to have. I never shared my thoughts of this feeling that I was a girl with anyone. I really tried to avoid getting too close to anyone as I feared someone might find out my secret. I often had thoughts and dreams about being a girl and at some level I felt it was wrong to have these feelings. I was scared to share with anyone as I was unsure of what would happen if I told. When I reached junior high my thoughts and feelings about being a girl kept getting stronger. I used to sneak around and wear girl stuff that didn't belong to me which isn’t something I’m proud of. I played a lot with neighbor kids as a distraction from my thoughts about being a girl. I still couldn't understand why I wanted to be a girl. I dreamed many days that magically I’d be transformed into the girl I felt like. I somehow managed to get my hands on some panties and panty hose and would wear them to school under my boy clothes. I decided in eighth grade to attend a prep seminary my freshman year of high school thinking maybe if I become a priest my thoughts of being a girl would disappear. So, I headed off to Illinois to live in an all-male dorm with other guys considering the priesthood. I left all my girl stuff hidden at home thinking the feeling of being a girl would pass. In November I came home for thanksgiving and couldn’t wait to wear my girl stuff. As I repacked to head back to school my girl stuff was packed in with my boy clothes. At school I hid my stuff in my cubicle. Two of us shared a cubicle which had no privacy. So, when no one was looking in the evening before lights out I'd place my girl clothes under my blanket. After lights out I changed under the covers to sleep and remove before crawling out in the morning as I had done at home for years. Thankfully we never had any emergencies at night. I finished my freshman year and the school closed. I was back home and rejoined the local school system with my thoughts focused on being a girl and racing. I would dress up in between school and my parents getting home every chance I got. I carried these feelings and fear very secretly inside. When I was sixteen and got my first job the money allowed me the opportunity to buy girl clothes. I was terrified at the store and would take forever picking something girly out but needed more clothes for my collection. On Halloween at my first job I decided to dress as a French maid for work. It was my first time out as a girl, and I loved every minute. I had bought a cheap short French maids dress and the length scared me, so I bought a longer black dress to wear underneath. I also purchased a nice red long curly wig and a pair of high heels. It was also in my first job I met my first true girlfriend and after dating for a bit I decided to tell her I like wearing girl clothes. This was the first person I’d ever shared my true feelings with about being a girl. She left almost immediately after I divulged my secret. Through many more days of dressing in secrecy and still unsure why I felt this way my senior year I decided talk with a military recruiter, but I never signed up because I couldn't figure out how to let my girl side go. I felt something had a grip on me that couldn’t be shaken. I graduated high school and moved on to college continually dressing up as often as possible in secret out of fear. I had a fear that if caught my mom would be hurt and my family and friends would reject me. I attended college and was working when I met my first wife. I told my first wife that I was a crossdresser as we were dating because there wasn’t any way to completely hide. She accepted me sort of with the information but would have bouts of yes or no days based on her mood. My first wife got pregnant and we were married with several battles over me wearing dresses. Mind you I was still in complete hiding and even though there were some bad days other days were spectacular. My daughter was born and brought on a severe discussion about hiding. I decided to never hide from her and let her know of my girl side. Our marriage was rocky to say the least for multiple reasons and I’m sure some of it had to do with my gender issues. We divorced and she got custody of our daughter. Fortunately for me after my divorce my nail tech Janet introduced me to her best friend. Her best friend is now my wife of twenty plus years. It was never a secret with my wife while we were dating, she supported me and allowed me to dress at home whenever I wanted. After dating for around three years I decided to throw a Halloween party and ask her to marry me. I made a French maid dress for the party and invited her family to the party. During the party I got down on one knee proposed and she said yes. The wedding was in the church the following Halloween and I dressed up as a groom which didn’t feel right. It was a great wedding with family and friends but as soon as the reception was over, I went home and put on a dress and we went out for pizza with a couple friends. Through the years I’ve fought myself many times with taking the dress off, but I wouldn’t go out because of hiding in fear of getting caught. When we were dating, I can remember pacing and looking out the window for thirty minutes before I could make it to the car because of my fear that I’d get caught by the neighbors. Shortly after our marriage my wife and I attended a crossdresser function that took place in Arkansas for a few years. My wife and I would drive down with me as Kimberly without any male clothing. After the first one where my wife had to drag me out the hotel room, I felt the joy of being my girl self and my fears started to vanish. Back at home after these events I suffered a depression when I had to go back to male mode. Probably sometime around ten years into the marriage I finally started going out dressed up occasionally on a regular basis when it wasn’t Halloween. Out of all the years of dating and marriage my wife only asked onetime that I quit dressing up and after a couple days told me to put on dress because I was being a bitch. Through the years I struggled with a fear of sharing my secret with family and friends where as my wife had shared with her family. My mother in law was a great inspiration as she insisted on getting photos of me whenever I dressed up and took pictures. It was a great relief to have some support. The whole time my daughter was growing up through the ups and downs of parenting I never hid my wearing dresses from my daughter. My daughter never had a major issue with my gender issues. Sometime around thirty-five years of age I started progressing towards breaking out of the closet and being free. One of great things every year was attending the renaissance festival where I was known as Kimberly the fairy, because of my fairy costumes. A good portion of the cast all knew me as Kimberly which felt awesome to hear people holler my name. In 2011 A group of renfest friends were holding a fundraiser for a friend Pat who had been diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor. Something happened the night of the fundraiser that changed me while celebrating and raising money for a friend who is dying. Pat walked up put a hand on my shoulder and asked me if I was alright. I was happy and in good health and your dying asking if I’m alright. I wasn’t best friends with Pat just a casual friend. Thanks to love and concern he had shown me at that moment I realized that night how life can be taken away from you at any minute and decided to allow myself to further my desires to be my true self the girl that I was inside. After that night I started dressing up and going out almost every night as Kimberly. It wasn’t till October 2016 that I really removed the pins from the hinges of the closet door and stepped out. I found a local support group and decided to attend scared to death. I went to my first meeting and very shyly and quietly attended and slowly got involved I learned so much. I learned about therapy, hormones, coming out to people, laser hair removal, and many other things. One of the questions, I was asked in the very first meeting are you a crossdresser or transgender. I answered not sure, as I was scared to acknowledge my true feelings because I would need to face my fears. After a couple meetings with the group I decided to make an appointment with the therapist. I remember pulling over down by Swope park lake and making the call to set up the appointment scared to death. I knew a long time ago that I was transgender and just needed figure out how to deal with my fears. I had a fear of losing people in my life, fear of losing my job, fear of losing my racing hobby, and a few other small fears. I had to tell myself that if anyone left my life because I acknowledged my true gender it was their choice. I continued attending meetings and learning about who I was inside and how to work on my fears. I had a meeting with a therapist and started hormones in December 2016. I still had not shared the news with my family except for my wife and daughter. With support and encouragement from the girls of the group in April 2017 after talking with my wife and daughter I told my parents. They reaffirmed that they love me but have not accepted me for who I am currently. I'm happy to give an update in August 2019 My dad called me Kimberly for the first time. Telling my parents was my biggest and hardest fear that I faced and although things are not perfect, they haven’t asked me to leave their house anytime I’ve been there. My heart breaks from this as I continue to hold out hope someday something will break through and allow them to realize you don’t make a choice to be transgender. The choice I did make was to accept myself as the girl I am. I decided in 2017 to acknowledge my change on Facebook to friends and family. I also needed to inform my job of my transition another fear as I had around sixteen years on the job. So, in September of 2017 I managed to finally walk into human resource office and tell of my transition. I was scared and unsure as I told them that I was transgender and when I came back from Vacation on November 6, 2017 I wanted to go by Kimberly and use the girl’s bathroom. They replied with a very uncertain response regarding the news I delivered. I let them know of my intention to continue being as productive or maybe more productive than before. I also let them know about the osha guidelines, equal employment opportunities commission guidelines and Human Rights Campaign guides about coming out at work. I left the office with an uncertain feeling, but on with my day and fortunately it was group night. A mother of one of the other girls had joined us for group. She was something in the legal field and after I shared, she encouraged me to write an e-mail to human resources on the things we’d discussed. I composed and sent an e-mail the next night and the following morning received an e-mail stating there should be no problem, so on November 5, 2017 on Facebook I posted “did you know” which detailed many things about my life and informed of my transition to female. The following day at work on November 6 I broke out of the closet enjoying my job and life as the real me. I’m also a flag woman at a local race track where I’ve been slowly bringing myself out, and get to enjoy my racing hobby. In February 2018 I legally changed my name and gender to the girl I am. I represented myself and even had to stand up to the judge. None of this would’ve been possible without support of friends, group, my daughter’s family and a fabulous wife that continues to love and support me. I can frequently be found enjoying auto racing, renfest, concerts, hockey games, bike riding, figure skating and much more. I created a website kimberlytiffany.com that I started back in 2001 after I got my first computer and as I started to learn about myself and trans issues. I can’t claim that every website is helpful, but I have read many that helped me grow and face some of my fears. In my lifetime of learning I’ve always allowed my Kimberly side to be present. I’ve never completely buried my girl side this was important because denying my girl self would have defiantly brought on anxiety, depression, anger, and who knows what else. I’m a lucky person who has had support of some friends and family my whole life and personally I’ve never felt any desire to harm myself because at some level have always accepted my girl feelings as Kimberly to be present in my life. The hardest part of acknowledging my transition was the fear of losing people that I love in my life. It’s very sad to me to have this fear of losing people because I chose to open up my inner self and be true to myself. There is no reason to cut someone out of your life for accepting their true gender. I’m truly blessed that most of my friends and family have been supportive and stuck by me. This far in my transition the main change for me is a glow of happiness and feeling my true self as the girl I am.